Humor & Education

Good, better, best.  Never let it rest. ‘Til your good is better and your better is best. – St. Jerome

Coach Varant to player: Sub for Marinor.
Player: Which Marinor?
Coach Varant: There is only one Marinor on the court!

Coach: If you wear a goggle, you can be the next James Worthy… but I don’t think you know who he is b/c you’re to young.
Player: Isn’t he the Prime Minister of England?

Coach Varant calls a player on the varsity girls team from the bleachers noticing that she is standing by the snack shop at Providence.
Coach Varant: Please get me a Keurig coffee.
Player: Okay baron.
Player walks up to the snack shop at Providence and says, “Do you have sister coffee?”

At the Tri-City Tournament, coach keeps telling his team to give bounce passes against a taller team which is playing zone defense. After instructing the point guard several times to throw bounce passes, the player throws 3 lob passes consecutively. Frustrated, coach subs her out. The replacement goes into the game and on 3 consecutive possessions throws bounce passes, all of which are stolen by the other team. When coach subs this player out, he criticizes her for throwing turnovers. The player responds, “But I was throwing bounce passes.”

“Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.”
— Winston Churchill

After a 5 year hiatus, this section returns as of today, 1/6/17.

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“Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” – Nelson Mandela

 

 

Անանուն 12րդ դասարանի աշակերտ մը — Պարոն, հայրիկս միշտ կ՛ըսէ, շունը հաւատարիմ կենդանի մըն է. բայց կատուն, կը խայթէ։

Vahan Derian Poem

Ես անջատված եմ հայրենի հողից,
Հայրենի տունս՝ իմ սրտին օտար.
Ինձ այրում Է միշտ մի անհագ թախիծ,—
Հավիտյան դյութող անհայտ ճանապարհ…Հուզվում են, հոսում հեղեղները մեծ,
Մագլցում վերև և թավալվում ցած,
Զմրուխտե ջրեր, ձեզ ո՞վ վրդովեց,
Հայրենական տուն, հավետ մոռացված…Միևնույն է ինձ Հյուսիս թե Հարավ,—
Մի խենթ տագնապ կա իմ հիվանդ սրտում,
Կա իմ հոգու մեջ մի անհագ ծարավ.
— Հավիտյան օտար, հայրենակա՛ն տո՜ւն.

If at first you don’t succeed, means you did it wrong. – Unknown

Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment, full effort is full victory. – Mahatma Gandhi

Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit. – Napoleon Hill

Individual commitment to a group effort – that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work. – Vince Lombardi

Continuous effort – not strength or intelligence – is the key to unlocking our potential. – Winston Churchill

'This is where the trail gets a little more challenging.' by King, Jerry

'I'm thinking of going for a run - am I wearing my running shoes?' by Cordell, Tim

Internet Cartoon 6280: OK, let's lay off the texting for a while.

Coach to senior cross country athlete after a run – “You look so tired that I’m sure you’ve dropped some IQ points.  Your brain cells are all focused on taking in oxygen right now.  I’m sure you would not be able to do a simple math problem.”
Athlete – “Ha ha coach!”
Coach – “What’s 9 times 4?”
Athlete – “32.”

I know you’ve heard it a thousand times before. But it’s true – hard work pays off. If you want to be good, you have to practice, practice, practice. If you don’t love something, then don’t do it. – Author Ray Bradbury

I play to win, whether during practice or a real game. And I will not let anything get in the way of me and my competitive enthusiasm to win. – Michael Jordan

Practice does not make perfect. Only perfect practice makes perfect. – Vince Lombardi

Մարզիչ — Շատ գէշ խաղցաք։  Այնքան գէշ որ սրտի… (մինչ կուրծքը կը բռնէ).
Աշակերտ-Մարզիկ – Գիտեմ Coach սրտի կասկած ունեցար։
Մարզիչ – Յուսայատած նայուածքով գլուխը կը շարծէ։
Աշակերտ-Մարզիկ – Չէ, չէ.  Սրտի արկած ունեցար։
(Full Refund Armenian)

Coach – I can’t wait for Euro 2012. I want either Holland or Portugal to win.
Student/Athlete – Me too.  I want Argentina.
(Refund for social studies courses).

Our problems can’t be solved by eliminating each and every outer cause. Nevertheless, people everywhere take this approach: “It’s the world’s fault; it’s too rough, too sharp, too alien. If I could get rid of these outer woes, I’d be happy.”  Shantideva says: If you want to protect your feet, wear shoes; and if you want to protect yourself from the world’s provocations, tame your mind. The antidote to misery is to stay present. – A quote from Pema Chodron

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. – Mark Twain

 

Artin Terterain made a 3-pointer with 3:45 remaining to get the Armens within 46-44.” – Daily News.  I guess Artin is an all terrain vehicle or Jesus can have any first name he wants 🙂

Coach Vicken thought he experienced a funny story.  Prior to posting, he shared it with Coaches Varant and Lena. They both said the story was not even remotely funny and so that joke is not posted here!

TRUE STORY
Basketball coach to player:  Why did you not throw the ball into the back court like I asked during the time out?
Player:  I’m left handed.  I couldn’t throw the ball that way.

 

Model UN???

'Nice essay, Tom, your cut and paste skills are beyond reproach.' by Royston -Robertson-

 

'Since we initiated regular staff development sessions, we've turned the school around 360 degrees.' by Bacall, Aaron

 

'My objective is to have each student become more insightful, compassionate, introspective and empathetic. In your case I will settle for quiet.' by Bacall, Aaron

 

 

Please wait to be yelled at. by McPherson, John

 

Modern day teaching methods…

'Just think of it as if you're reading a long text-message.' by Carpenter, Dave

 

 

Hoping this is never us…

'There it is! OK, now we can resume the game. ...Oh, and by the way, Randy, nice spike.' by Moore, Steve

 

'Mommy, they're making me turn in my phone!' by Delgado, Roy

 

Remind you of anyone???

 

Does it feel like this sometimes when Baron Varant goes around Balboa Park in his car???

Teacher wearing rollerskates for cross country run. by Naylor, Jim

 

Football Deity. by Talimonov, Alexei

 

'It was all ball!' by Moore, Steve

 

And for the goggle wearing JV and Varsity Girls… (and no I am not calling anyone dogs… it’s just a joke)

Dog learning to dribble without looking. by Reynolds, Dan

 

No, not the Armens Court…

'Someone should fix that,' by Moore, Steve

 

Apple or Cherry???

'Guys! The turnovers are KILLING us!' by Veley, Bradford

 

Can someone recruit John (AKA Hovannes) to Ferrahian please??? 🙂

Sports Cartoon 406: Now this is where you come in, John.

 

An example of genius coaching…

Sports Cartoon 1703: One more thing, the guys in the stripes are the refs. You can stop guarding them.

 

Favoritism… NOT an Armens tradition…

Kid Cartoon 212: His dad owns the trophy shop.

 

And for those of us who hate the meaningless phrase, “Give it 110%.”

Sports Cartoon 3008: He can play like this, but he'll only be able to give 105%.

 

And for our basketball teams where all 4 players who don’t have the ball want the ball…

Sports Cartoon 3108: I don't get it. If they all want the ball so badly, why don't they just buy more balls?!

 

And for the Armens’ athletes who are lovers, not fighters…

Football Cartoon 1213: And for God's sake, when you're blitzing, stop saying 'excuse me!'

 

Hoping this one brings good luck to our basketball teams during the playoffs…

Sports Cartoon 4433: Looks like the ref is calling him for traveling.

 

On the occasion of Valentine’s Day…

Sports Cartoon 215: No, they don't stand for hugs and kisses! Who said that?!

On the van ride back from a losing effort after a basketball game…
Coach to Player – You made 2 out of 10 free throws today.  We lost by 2.  If you had made a few more, we could have won.
Player to Coach – But I made up for it in the field (i.e., referring to the baskets he scored during the game).
Coach in his own mind – But obviously not enough “making up” because we still lost by 2.

Coach to player during a van ride – What is your science fair project about?
Player – Plants and pigments.
Coach – So tell me more.
Player – I don’t know anything more.

Yet another conversation with an athlete regarding his/her science project.
Coach – What’s your project on?
Player – Effects of radiation on growth of plants?
Coach – How did you expose your plants to radiation?
Player –  My cousin is a dentist.  I took the plants to the dentist’s office.  I used the x-ray machine for about an hour.
Coach – Let’s hope your cousin and the staff at that office don’t develop cancer any time in the near future.

If someone comes along and shoots an arrow into your heart, it’s fruitless to stand there and yell at the person. It would be much better to turn your attention to the fact that there’s an arrow in your heart…   -Pema Chodron

Once there was a young warrior. Her teacher told her that she had to do battle with fear. She didn’t want to do that. It seemed too aggressive; it was scary; it seemed unfriendly. But the teacher said she had to do it and gave her the instructions for the battle. The day arrived. The student warrior stood on one side, and fear stood on the other. The warrior was feeling very small, and fear was looking big and wrathful. They both had their weapons. The young warrior roused herself and went toward fear, prostrated three times, and asked, “May I have permission to go into battle with you?” Fear said, “Thank you for showing me so much respect that you ask permission.” Then the young warrior said, “How can I defeat you?” Fear replied, “My weapons are that I talk fast, and I get very close to your face. Then you get completely unnerved, and you do whatever I say. If you don’t do what I tell you, I have no power. You can listen to me, and you can have respect for me. You can even be convinced by me. But if you don’t do what I say, I have no power.” In that way, the student warrior learned how to defeat fear.  -Pema Chodron

The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.  -Pema Chodron

If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.  -Pema Chodron

While driving on Sherman Way going to an away game, one junior high player in the van mentioned, “I got կնքուեցայ at St. Peter’s.”  This was soon followed by others mentioning where they got կնքուեցան.

The difficult nature of making changes means that you will likely be putting in effort that will take you far beyond the point at which it is inspiring or fun. This junction is what I call “the grind,” which starts when actions necessary to produce meaningful change become stressful, tiring and tedious. The grind is also the point at which your efforts toward change really count. The grind is what separates those who are able to change from those who are not. Many people who reach this point in the process of change either ease up or give up because change is just too darned hard. But truly motivated people reach the grind and keep on going.    – Jim Taylor

If life give you lemons, you can make lemonade… only if you have sugar.  – Anonymous

 

 No Comment

Comments heard from anonymous students on recent trip to San Diego for Tri-City Holiday Basketball Tournament:

  1. About Gomidas – “Wasn’t he a poet?”
  2. About Sayat Nova – “Isn’t he a Russian Singer?”
  3. “Coach, are we taking the vans to Catalina?”
This one is NOT humor.  This is REAL:  Be at school on January 2, 2012 @ 4:30 AM to take bus ride to Long Beach Port to take boat to Catalina to play games against Avalon.

Exchange between coach and an anonymous middle school student during 2 on 1 passing drill after he had the ball stolen by the defender:
Coach: Why didn’t you use a fake pass?
Player:  I had used my dribble.  I couldn’t dribble.

Armenian Quotes:

  1. Ամէն փայտ շերեփ չի դառնար, ամէն սար՝ Մասիս։
  2. Գողը գողից գողացաւ, Աստւած նայեց՝ զարմացաւ:
  3. Ի՞նչ կապ ունի՝ Ալէքսանդրի բեղերին։ – This quote should be read by all student-athletes who have irrelevant/nonsensical responses to coaches’ comments.
  4. Խօսքով փիլաւ չեփուիր։ – One of Baron Varant’s favorite quotes.
  5. Մէկ ձեռքով ծափ չես կրնար տալ։
  6. Քեֆ ընողին, քեֆ չի պակսիր։

Recipe – To make 8 cups of Armenian-style tea, you’ll need:
8 cups cold water; 2 cinnamon sticks; about 4 whole cloves; 3 to 4 tea bags (optional); sweetener to taste, if desired.

1. Place the water in a large pot. Tie the cinnamon sticks and cloves in cheesecloth; place in the water. Bring to a boil; simmer about 10 minutes.
2. Remove pot from heat; remove the cheesecloth with the cinnamon sticks and cloves, and discard.
3. Add tea bags to pot, if using, and allow to steep about 5 minutes. Discard tea bags. Add desired amount of sweetener, if using; stir until sweetener is dissolved.
4. Refrigerate until ready to serve.
5. To serve, pour in tall glasses filled with ice.

The two most important days of your life are the day you are born, and the day you find out why.  – Mark Twain

On the occasion of Coach Koko’s birthday, a short sample of music from one of his favorite bands:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uY3LAFJbKyY&feature=fvwrel

On the occasion of Coach Varant’s birthday, a few quotes from his favorite coach, Bobby Knight:

  • Mental toughness is to physical as four is to one.
  • Most people have the will to win, few have the will to prepare to win.

I want you to be everything that’s you, deep at the center of your being. – Confucius

A superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions. – Confucius

All things are subject to interpretation whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth. – Friedrich Nietzsche

A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy. – Friedrich Nietzsche

An Armenian Saying – ԸՆկերներով մահը հարսնիք է։

If instead of a gem, or even a flower, we should cast the gift of a loving thought into the heart of a friend, that would be giving as the angels give.  George MacDonald

I don’t need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.  Plutarch

A runner must run with dreams in his heart, not money in his pocket.  Emil Zatopek

Q: What did Bobby Knight say about coaching the 1980 U.S. Olympics basketball team against the team from China?

A: “It was a lot of fun playing the Chinese, but an hour later, we wanted to play them again.”

During JV Boys Ride Back from Pilibos Game… a Losing Effort
Coach t0 Player 1:  Why did you not sprint back when they were going on fast break?
Player 1:  It was 2 on 3.  They had two guys and we had three back.
Coach: So?
Player 1:  I was going to guard their other players running back.
Coach:  Player 2, do you agree with Player 1’s rationale?
Player 2 (somewhat unsure): Yeah.  He was playing a bit of safety on the three point line.

Moral of the story:  If you have no idea why this story is funny, then we’ve not done our job in teaching you the fundamentals of basketball. Ask for a refund!!!

During JV Boys Basketball Practice
Coach: “You were afraid to take a charge, weren’t you?”
Anonymous Player: “Yes.”
Coach: “Why?”
Anonymous Player: “Because the floor is hard.”
Coach: “So did you take charges when you played on a wooden floor at your old school?”
Anonymous Player: “Yes.”
Coach: “Baron Varant, we need to spend about $100,000 to install wooden floors in the gym so that ‘anonymous player’ can take charges here at Ferrahian.”

Coach Vicken to the JV and Fresh Soph Boys Basketball Teams: ” A good shooter only misses shots long or short.  They never go to the left or right of the rim.”
Anonymous player:  “Coach that one that I missed was about 2 feet short, but it was straight.  Does that mean that I’m a good shooter?”
Coach Vicken, in his own mind:  “What am doing wrong here???”

A soccer goalkeeper was walking along the street one day when he heard screams from a nearby building. He looked up to see smoke billowing from a fourth-floor window and a woman leaning out holding a baby.  “Help ! Help!” screamed the woman, “I need someone to catch my baby!”  A crowd of onlookers had gathered, but none was confident about catching a baby dropped from such a great height. then the goalkeeper, stepped forward. “I’m a professional goalkeeper,” he called to the woman. “I’m renonwned for my safe hands. Drop the baby and I will catch it. For me, it will be just like catching a ball.”

The woman agreed:”Ok, then. When I drop my baby, treat it as if you were catching a ball.”  On a count of three, the woman dropped the baby. Everyone held their breath as the goalkeeper lined himself up to catch it. There was a huge sigh of relief, followed by wild cheering as the goalkeeper caught the baby safely in his arms. Then he bounced it twice on the ground and kicked it 50 yards down the street.

“Winning doesn’t really matter as long as you win.” Vinny Jones (Former English soccer player)

If you are going to take up cross-country running, it helps to start with a small country.

For every mile you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at the age of 85, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $5,000/month.

As two basketball referees walked through the countryside, they noticed some tracks. First said, ‘Deer tracks?’ Second said ‘No, bear tracks.’ However, the conversation ended abruptly when a train hit them.

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, “Do you understand what sportsmanship is?  What a team is?  The little boy nodded yes.  “Do you understand that what matters is whether we win with good sportsmanship?  The little boy nodded yes.  “So,” the coach continued, “When the referee calls a foul or misses a call, you don’t argue or curse or attack the referee. Do you understand all that?” Again, the boy nodded yes.  “Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain it to your mother.

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the freshman class.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”
A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, “A basketball coach?”

Coach Arshag to a player on the sidelines during a recent varsity soccer game getting ready to sub him in: “Are you ready?”
Anonymous player: “For what?”

“How can you practice defense?  All you have to do is move your feet.”  – Anonymous middle school student when told by coach we would do some basketball drills for defense.

There are people who, instead of listening to what is being said to them, are already listening to what they are going to say themselves.  – Albert Guinon (1863 – 1923)

Խօսքով փիլաւ չեփուիր:

“Coach, ayt meguh chi mudav.” – Anonymous 10th grader during basketball practice after shooting a ball 2 feet to the left of the basket.

“Coach, do you have baby powder?  I slept with a wedgie and woke up with a rash.”  – Anonymous male at summer camp in San Diego.